Ones have a rich emotional life. But because they value your principles so much, it is often hard for them to express your feelings adequately. It may sometimes feel like you have to keep the lid on a pot of boiling water. To others, that can seem emotionless and even cold, but that’s not how you experience yourself. There’s just this fear that if you take the lid off your passions and desires, you and others might regret it.

Ones are in the same group as Eights and Nines: The body group. All of these types have a special relationship to what we colloquially call the „gut“, and in particular, feelings of anger and rage. While Eights openly live out their aggression to protect themselves, Nines have fallen asleep to their anger and pretend it doesn’t exist. Ones, on the other hand, are very aware of their anger, but their principles don’t allow them to act on it.

The consequence is a lot of repression and resistance. To a One, just letting loose and giving in to your emotions feels like a lack of self-control – and you believe a „good“ person shouldn’t lose control over themselves. So you have to be strict with yourself. You believe it will justify you in your own eyes and in the eyes of others. It might be easier for you to show positive feelings like love and joy, but even then you can find yourself thinking „Okay, that’s enough, don’t overdo it.“

Much harder are negative feelings, especially anger. Openly letting out your frustrations, so you think, only hurts people, and hurting people is bad. But at the same time, you often don’t know what to do with the frustration of everyone else being sloppy, neglectful and inconsiderate and you having to put in overtime to make everything right. So you push it down.

But here’s the thing: Anger is not a bad thing. It is usually a short-lived emotion that comes in a wave, and when you let it roll through you, it quickly goes away again. If you try to block it though, it will stay, gnaw at you, settle in your body and your mind and make you obsessively think about it while you try to pretend that you’re not angry at all.

So if you want to, you could roughly describe our approach to how we believe personality is formed as divided by three: One third nature, one third nurture, and one third free will. Nevertheless, the messages we describe here have a big impact on the evolution of types and their views and relationships in adulthood. Which is why it’s so important to take a look at them.

At some point during their childhood, Ones heard the message that it wasn’t enough to just be a child, but that they needed to meet the expectation of someone else, usually a parental figure. There was a feeling of „not good enough“, so they started to put in a lot of effort into doing things „right“. By not making mistakes, being orderly and reasonable they might earn their right to be and be loved.

When they grow older, Ones take that external voice that tells them to be „better“, to „behave“, to „do the right thing“, and internalize it. It becomes an ever-present slave-driver who demands perfection at any time – perfect behaviour, perfect manners, perfect thoughts. For One children, the world is made of rules, and they believe that if only they could follow them perfectly, they would eventually be rewarded.

Growing up, One kids often do their best to be model children. Other children become their measuring stick of success or failure – One children will spend a lot of time and energy comparing themselves to other kids, competing for being seen as „the good one“. Their eagerness to please makes them usually well-behaved, orderly, neat and diligent in their schoolwork and chores. Order and structure are things that comfort them.

Systems and rituals help One children with their need to control themselves and life. While these things are beneficial in theory, for Ones they only reinforce their false idea that they need to be perfect. When they reach adulthood, this need to always be in control will have firmly established itself.

Ones treat love the same way they treat the rest of their lives: With sincerity, reliability and the will to be the best person – and in that case – they can be. They treat their partners and friends with respect and are diligent about providing and caring for others. Their high standards can sometimes be too high though, making others feel unnecessarily criticized and annoyed by the Ones unexpressed anger.

When it comes to love, Ones are looking for the same qualities they are working towards in themselves: Consistent behavior, attention to detail, the will to improve and standing by your word. Ones are not afraid of commitment. In fact, they usually encourage it, because that’s the right thing to do. Being faithful is a matter of principle.

Ones don’t turn into couch potatoes after the trial period is over. They have a running list in their head of things that need to be done, and maybe even a second one for their partner that will keep them occupied for at least a year. Ones don’t want to push unreasonable expectations on others, they simply don’t understand why others don’t have the same expectations for themselves as they do.

The hard thing for Ones when it comes to entering and maintaining a partnership is making themselves vulnerable. Perfectionism can be like a shield that protects you from getting hurt: It’s much harder to admit when you made a mistake, to accept the flaws in yourself and your partner and to show your emotions freely, be it happiness or anger. Criticism stings more for Ones than it does for most other people because they are already so harsh on themselves that any further judgement can feel crushing.

This may sound like Ones are oversensitive: Being quick to criticize but unable to deal with it themselves. But in fact, when Ones criticize, they don’t try to be mean. It’s how they show that they care. To them, it feels like they’re helping you.

And to be honest, healthy Ones do indeed help their partners to become better people. But they also know when to let someone be, when pointing out a flaw hurts more than it helps and how to say things so that they lift people up instead of tearing them down.

Ones at the workplace are methodical, precise, like protocols and procedures and usually have a better eye for details than almost anybody else. Their inner drive to do things right makes them efficient and hard-working, with high standards for their own work as well as the work of others.

Many Ones are „people of the book“ – in a very literal sense. If there is a manual for the job they’re supposed to do, Ones will probably be the only ones who read it. If there is none, they will wish to write it themselves. With their diligent, detail-focused mind they keep working until things are right. In a world of duct-tape solutions and barely-good-enough-results, everyone's workplace benefits from Ones who go the extra mile to build something that actually works.

Ones are also notoriously fair: Consequences for wrong behaviour will be tolerated without protest as long as everybody is treated equally. Ones are lightning fast at pointing out mistakes – unfortunately not just their own, but others too. Ones are convinced that what they see as right is right. The One’s irritation and impatience for others to see things the same way as them often makes it hard for them to communicate their advice in a non-threatening way.

This can lead to them not being the most popular co-workers. What Ones see as helpful advice, others often experience as patronizing. This can make them resist the One even when they would agree in principle, which often frustrates Ones even more.

Seeing what’s wrong and needs to be fixed is the One’s great gift. But when they haven’t learned to differentiate between what’s necessary feedback and what’s micromanaging and nitpicking, people will grow frustrated with Ones just as much as Ones grow frustrated with them.

Healthy Ones, on the other hand, are incredibly supportive, especially when people demonstrate that they want to learn and improve. Ones will never deny your honest request for help. They are generous, if stern, teachers.